Edophe's Xanga

Green light

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 02:08:04 GMT

I never realised how much I used to want to be someone else. I wanted to have nicer hair, smoother body, wear louder makeup. I was never happy with the clothes I wore, the things I said or thought or did.

Today is different.

I have brightly coloured clothes.
I have nice hair.
I have a body that is mine and mine only and I love it - as it is under my control.
I have damn loud make up.
I say the wrong thing, and laugh myself silly over it.
I think weird or different things, and ask questions about it.
I do the wrong thing, apologize and move on.
I do the right thing and make people smile.
I do the right thing and make myself smile.

I am an entirely new person.

It is fantastic :D

Dawn

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 08:53:53 GMT

They were all online tonight.

It was a funny emotion, seeing all their names lined up neatly underneath eachother.
The young men who had hurt me, changed me, shaped me into the young woman I am today.

The girl who finally said enough, and made a change.
The girl with a crazy haircut, weird makeup.
The girl who realised that she IS worth it.
The girl who is still learning, but is learning damn fast.
The girl who smiled today, and will continue to smile tomorrow.

I'm strong.

Take that.

Am I Safe?

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 09:48:34 GMT

Break ups suck even more

When you're both in love

With each other

And you really have no reason to be breaking up at all

Other than

Several

Hundred

Thousand

Miles

oh.

a photo for you

Wed, 20 May 2009 23:41:50 GMT

I took this photo on a blue but slightly chilly day. I like it and thought I'd share it with you :)

It Is Dark In Her Mind

Wed, 20 May 2009 07:32:45 GMT

Thoughts flicker with a
Certain intensity
Distractions like light
Reflecting in a hangover curing
Cup of coffee

In the sunlight
Her pale eyes
Ache.
Mascara droplets
Stain her chin
Unnoticed until
One might wipe them
Away?

When darkness
Is her mind
The days slows down
Creaking with rusty joints.

She oils them with salt.

Promise

Wed, 13 May 2009 06:44:15 GMT

Her curvy words were sexy,
lying sprawled on the page.
He shook his head and looked around but
all he could see was her.
Her words, so carelessly strewn along blue lines,
didn’t recognize him at all.

Frozen moonlight rustled silently
crinkling the carpet.
A yellow balloon
Tied to the tree beside his window
she had put it there once.
Their promises, so strong,
now lying as a shattered coffee cup
on the bathroom floor, covered in vodka and vomit.
The bleach with which he cleaned it was
too tempting.

Slowly now, he lifts his head.
Moonlight rests
like autumn leaves
against his leg.
A splash of water
catches the moonlight and
silhouettes the wall,
falling.
He laughed – shocked at his expression.
He threw his head back and laughed.
His own stupidity,
his own pathetic nature –
so comedic!

“She’s gone.”

The words
made laughs
choke on his tongue
his eyes open wide.
She danced around him
the more he reached for her
the less visible she appeared.
The tiredness came and
he moved away.

#57

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:15:36 GMT

#56a

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 03:21:35 GMT

Yeap, that's right. I haven't been on this site in forever and now all I'm here to do is rant.

I have a best friend. He's called S. S and I have been close for ages and he is the most kind, caring and loyal person I've ever met. I love him more than words could ever express and I can honestly say that I could marry the kid one day, quite comfortably.

I have a half ex girlfriend. She's called E. Although Christian, she comes across as a rude, manipulating cow who needs a kick up the arse and a ticket to the third world for a long period of time. She told me she loved me and was quite comfortable to stick her tongue down my throat but as soon as I suggested making it official she backed off... until she craved the physical touch again.
I let her because she led me on.
She let me believe that we could be together.
Of course, she ended up hurting me.
Of course, I put all the blame on her.

S and E started dating not long after I realised how much I loved with S. They broke up, finally, on their 9 month anniversary. Although really upset, I honestly thought this was it. Yes, I now have an amazing boyfriend, but I don't love S like that. He's like my brother. Me, being the selfish queen I am, really want him all to myself... and the more he was with E the further away we got.
We spent last weekend together, eating ice cream and watching movies.
He thanked me.
"What for?"
"For making me happy."
I haven't ever smiled so big..

I got the text at 3.54 today. S & E are back together. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. For God's sake, it's not like I'm never going to see him again. Although he sometimes says "If you were kind to E, you know, that would make me so happy." I know that he doesn't put what happened between me and E in our relationship. I'm the one putting E between us. It's me... I'm the one with the anger and the jealousy and the issue with this. That is what makes me so angry. So, incredibly angry. This is my problem...

#56

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:16:56 GMT

I have a boy.
And he's lovely (:

#55

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:03:37 GMT